In case anyone is wondering, I got my tattoo. It will say 'Veni Vidi Vici' on my wrist until the day I die.

I'm so fucking angry. My dad is fucking angry at me because I told him that if he has to move for his job in December that I will not be going. And I WILL NOT BE GOING. Fuck that. I didn't move here just to move like a year later. Fuck it. I was planning on moving out next May, but if it comes 6 months earlier, so fucking be it. I don't work and put up with this bullshit for nothing. I've got a plan. I've got big plans.

On an angrier note, I fucking hate feeling this way. I can't help how I fucking feel and yet, I feel bad about feeling this way. I can't help who I like...the butterflies are involuntary. I really don't fucking understand any of this. Why the fuck can't I just be normal? I didn't ask for any of this.

I'm gonna fucking burn in hell.

I'm about to scar myself for life. This is what I'm thinking.

I REALLY wanna get a tattoo around my wrist, but I also REALLY want to have a real job one day...

I'm thinking about either "Veni Vidi Vici" or "I know not what I do"...those would be cool around the wrist...but...I'll probably decide against the wrist tattoo...

Where else could I get words tattooed?

ORRRRRRR

should I get a ying yang design on my back?

Decisions, decisions...

HELP ME OUT!

WTF? When you look me in the eyes...I don't even know what's going on. I can't even think. You ask me questions and I have no answers...at all. I can't think of them. Not even if I wanted to.

I don't know why you always look me in the eyes. You look at me like you can see into my soul. Deep, dark and mysterious. What is that?

You come near and I shake...I quiver...I get lost. And I stay lost.

He wants me and I want you.

What do you want?

I was just starting to like being me.

And it was all because of you. But that dream is over.

And so are we.

It's wierd how when I see you, the only thing I see is your eyes. I look and I feel nervous and excited all at the same time...it's like I'm about to slip off and fall into the deep brown, never to return again. And I am happy. I'd rather fall into you and never return than live the days of my life without you.

You make me sweat. A nerous sweat that's cold...it squirts out of every pore on my body at once...it's involuntary, but you make me sweat.

And I get butterflies. Not only because I like you, but because I need you. You feed something in me that otherwise will starve. And you feed it...just enough to keep me breathing...to keep my heart beating...to keep me alive.

You make me passionate. I want to put my mouth on you and taste the sweetness of your skin. The flavor of your lips...

And most of all...I want to hold your hand. I want to posess it and you. I want you to be mine and me to be yours.

I want everything it all means...